So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
