It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
