So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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