Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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