I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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