I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm having to shit out rocks
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
