I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
