tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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