Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
