remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
