marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
