that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
