so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
