i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
