I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
