You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
