my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I need water and some morals
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
