i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize