Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
