i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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