Christians are straight up FREAKS
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
