So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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