I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
