You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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