Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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