Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
