dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
