I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
