So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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