Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
