Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
