thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
