I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
