Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
