Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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