So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
