I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I need a beard to bite.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
