I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
