There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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