The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
