don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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