I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
