I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
