i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
