i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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