Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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