Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
