my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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