The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
