I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We have started to decorate penises.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
