And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
