people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
