At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
