I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
