Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
