Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize