Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Yo dont text me then not text me
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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