i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
not ubering you a puppy
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
