that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
