Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize