she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
