If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
