he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
