So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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