i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i don't like sucking hair
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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