The maid of honor just puked.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
