You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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