Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
we're so committed to being not committed
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
