hotel room ftw
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
