I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
