So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
