Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
