dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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