I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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