I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
