there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
