Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
