Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You just made me feel so damn special
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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