I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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