You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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