Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
