No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
