I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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