new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
