Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
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