I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
