Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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