The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
