In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
