): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
