so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
