just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
