She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
