Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize