WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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