I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
