One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
