I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
