if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
