You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
