Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
