I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
