Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
