I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
