her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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