I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
