She said her name was "party"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
