my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
